I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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