Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
