It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
