Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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