There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
