Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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