Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
