This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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