I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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