and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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