I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
