My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize