Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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