You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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