I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
