is your mom at the bar?
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize