So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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