At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if only i could text you this smell
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize