absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What a dumb baby whore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
