so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
