You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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