I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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