Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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