Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
