I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
