Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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