do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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