day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
