yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize