in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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