I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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