Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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