my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
