Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize