I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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