on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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