Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
