Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
