New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
