I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
