OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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