My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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