just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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