I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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