I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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