what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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