nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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