Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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