Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
