I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
