I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
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