mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
