and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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