I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
