He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
