You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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