he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
50% drunk capacity currently
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
