Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
