We won't sleep together?
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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