I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
