So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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