you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
