i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
