I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
