Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
