i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
