Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
