Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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