toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
