We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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