I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
