i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
