I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's blow job season.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize