"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
