She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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